How to Fight with God
By Randy Peterson

Face it. There are times when you feel that God has let you down. You've been praying for something as hard as you know how to pray, and it still hasn't happened. Or you have to deal with some tragedy you don't deserve. How could God treat you like this? Doesn't he know how faithful you've been?

Lots of people try to sort this out intellectually. They read the story of Job and they quote Romans and they dust off old tomes by Thomas Aquinas. Maybe they reach some kind of understanding about how a good God can allow bad things, but they still feel angry.

Some people rebel. They sever ties with God as a way of getting back at him. They become functional atheists, living as if God doesn't exist. This might seem ironic to you, but there are many people out there who are who are so angry at God that they stop believing in him-which prompts the question, How can you be so mad at someone who doesn't exist?

Other people just hide it. They go about their religious business pretending that nothing's wrong, but deep down they hold a grudge. Often they do this because they think it's wrong to feel anger toward God. They don't want to promote this "sinful" emotion, so they suppress it. The feelings are still there, just denied, hidden, buried.

What effect does that have on their spiritual lives? Think about the effect it would have on, say, a marriage. With unresolved anger in the air, the relationship can't grow. There's a barrier between the two people, inhibiting their conversation, their partnership, and their intimacy. The same is true with God. When people hide their Godward anger and don't deal with it, it blocks the growth of that relationship.

So what can you do?

Own up to it. Dig it up. Bring this feeling out into the open. Admit to yourself how you feel and why. Maybe your feelings are justified, or maybe not. You'll never know unless you get them out on the table and start sorting through them.

Talk to God about it. You'll be in good company. Abraham, Moses, David, Elijah, Jeremiah, Paul, and even Jesus all talked with God about their disagreements, their dissatisfaction, and sometimes their anger. Let that fact sink in. These towering Bible figures, who had exemplary relationships with God, had the same "negative" feelings that we have, and they told God how they felt.

Listen. Once you've dumped your emotions on God, get quiet and listen to his response. He's not going to scold you for opening up to him, but he might want to go through the issues with you. The things you're upset about-what did you expect from God and why? What did he deliver? Was he present in the situation, even if you didn't recognize it at the time? Can you learn something about the way God works in situations like that? How does this change your view of God?

Process this with a trusted friend or counselor. It helps to have an outside perspective on these matters, but choose your confidant carefully. You're in pretty deep territory here, so you want a friend who will listen without preaching, who will guard your privacy, who will contribute some honest insight.

Get right. This is not just confession and repentance on our part, but a decision to remove the obstacles inhibiting the relationship. The story is told of an elderly woman, bitter about a lifetime of suffering, who decided she needed to "forgive God." With the help of a local pastor, she was able to do this, but she called him back the next week to say, "I think I need God to forgive me." That's the way it works. To restore a relationship with God, we need to say, "I may never understand why this happened, but I will trust you enough to let go of my grudge against you." Once that "forgiveness" occurs, we may begin to see areas where we need to be forgiven. God's heart is ever open.

Oh, the difference a preposition makes. Sometimes people talk about being angry at God. In their disappointment, they have turned their back. The relationship is inactive. Anger has created a barrier. God is in his heaven and all is wrong with the world.

But what if we talk about being angry with God? Instead of separating ourselves from him, we go to God with the problem. Maybe we yell and holler and throw things-like Moses or David. But we are in his presence, telling God exactly how we feel, and listening for his response. That's the kind of lover's spat that ultimately builds a relationship. S&L